(xxxiv.)

Pierpont put the phone handset down on the couch. He got up, and went into the kitchen. The phone kept hissing, and screaming, despite his absence.

"Hey, Allouysious, you want anything?"

He proceeded to make himself a sandwich.

The phone kept hissing and screaming and shouting.

He sat back down on the couch, and picked the phone back up.

"Pierpont, are you listening to me?"
"Now why would I do a stupid thing like that?"
"Wha- what do you mean?"
"I went and made myself a sandwich while you were busy abusing the, uh, well, my couch. And maybe my coffee table."
"You put down the phone and just made yourself a sandwhich?"
"Well, hang on-- Allouysious, were you offended? ...Yeah, now see what you did? Now he's hurt."
"Pierpont, you're scaring me."
"So?" he asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

There was an extremely long, awkward silence.

"Pierpont, seriously, who is this Allouysious guy?"
"He's my friend, since, y'know, you've moved out, and the only times you do call, you have nothing nice to say."
"I don't know anyone named Allouysious, and niether do you."
"No, really, he's like my best friend."
"He is."
"Yup."
"This is the bottle of alcohol, right? You're talking to the bottle of alcohol?"
"Why do you have to be so negative?"


[chapter xxxv.]